Vertical Bird: Short and Curly

So today ended with the most absurd argument in the world.

First, I will introduce you to the main players in the scene. There is me, Kranski. I look something a little like this:

Then, there's mother. Mother looks a lot like this:

I think that Mother is a pirate. She is very good at deceiving people though, because no one else seems to think that Mother is a pirate.

Reasons that Mother is not a pirate: she is friendly and laughs a lot and speaks in modern English, and she also smells nice.

Reasons that Mother is a pirate: she wears an eyepatch and is often seen with a small parrot riding on her shoulder. The parrot's name is Bobbie. We are not sure if Bobbie is a boy or a girl, despite me working in a pet store. Also Mother's shoes are often inexplicably filled with sand.

So anyway, today was hot and sticky, and I booked myself an appointment to get my hair cut. And Pirate Mother asked how short I was going to cut it. I said short.

PirateMother: How short?

Kranski: As short as it used to be. Short.

PM: You should not cut it that short.

KK: It's too hot this length though.

PM: But I like it this length.

KK: But I don't.

PM: But I like your hair.

KK: So do I.

At this point, Father steps in. Father is not a pirate. I know this because he used to have a little sailboat but he sold it to buy a motorcycle instead.

A pirate would not do that.

This is Father:

Father has a thick European accent and a big nose, and he likes to wear novelty T-Shirts and come home singing songs like "Oh What A Beautiful Morning" in the middle of the afternoon.

He once bought two turkeys and he loved them very much but they were too noisy so he had to give them back.

He is now often seen sitting outside having a beer with my pet rat, Belvedier.

On this occasion however he entered the room, sans rat, and asked what the argument was about. This made the conversation even more muddled.

PirateMother: I want to know exactly how short she's going to cut her hair!

Kranski: And I want to know why you want to know exactly how short I'm going to cut my hair!

RatFather: Yes, why? It's her head!

PM: But I want to know!

KK: But why?

RF: Yes, why? It's her head!

This went on for a good 20 minutes before we realised we were getting nowhere. I was slightly annoyed at first, but now that I have thought about it, I think that Pirates must not believe in haircuts. And if they do, they probably saw it off themselves with a rusty knife.

So I think that just this once I am going to respect Pirate Mother's pirate heritage, and I am going to grow my hair long. I hope to look something like a lady version of Jack Sparrow.